Passionate to a Fault

Passion is a good thing. It helps us find our purpose, and it can give meaning to life. However, I am passionate to a fault. My teens and 20s are evidence of that. Anytime I let myself get passionate about something, it disrupted my life…including the recent marital problems and bad decisions

My passions have been driven by a desire to change the world for the better. I was once passionate about my faith, and lately, my passions have been focused on Drug Policy Reform, Mass Incarceration, Poverty, and limiting government.

As it seems to me, most people have their own ideas about faith, and in a post-Christian culture, it seems increasingly difficult to persuade people to convert, or even to return to faith.

Other than a vocal minority, most Americans seem content with allowing the government to hide medical cures from suffering and dying patients. They seem content with allowing a form of slavery to persist in “The Land of the Free.” Most are complacent with a government that is WAY too big. Not just a little too big, but a monstrosity of a machine that needs to be stopped…such rhetoric consumed me.

30s KC is going to focus on the simple things. No longer will I try to change the world. The world seems satisfied with its condition. Even if it does need changing, my efforts are not effectual, other than being majorly disruptive to my own life, and the lives of those around me.

I guess I just have to let go of the notion that my life will not have meaning if I fail to make some sort of lasting impact and fight for justice. I struggle with this because my faith compels me to seek justice. I truly believe that’s part of what we are called to do as Christians. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I lack faith. Maybe I am defeated. Perhaps I am filled with good ideas, but ineffectual in my delivery.

I don’t know.

I just know that I need to be more dependable. More stable. More sane. These things seem impossible when I let something…anything…be the focal point of my life.

Part of me is afraid that this will lead to some sort of spineless, mindless wandering, but then I think about a simple fact…it’s how most people live their lives.

Why did I think I was special?

Wagen, over and out.

6 comments

  1. KC you only need to be you, that is all you need. If we need more then it is up to us and we can not fault you for lacking what we want from you rather we need to look inward and find what we are missing, as you know I hold no love for religion but this is a universal truth, we try and suround ourselves with people that will build us up, but they often have an agenda of their own you may have something the covet or you might be able to provide a service they need. The issue comes from expectation, you expected one thing and got another and that upsets people. I have learned to not expect anything. If i need help I frist ask do I really need this or to do this if the answer is yes I ask for help, I have found I cut out a ton of stuff from my life that I might have done if I was healthy but now I am sick I dont, not because I do not have people to help me but because I feel its wrong to expect it, and often my expectations were not met so now I dont have what I want and I am angry at the person I was expecting to help me………….just a bad circle for me.

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    • That sounds like some good advice. I have lots of expectations…in life, and from people. Some are a given. Like, “I expect not to be assaulted,” or something like that. I should give this some conscience effort as I go forward.

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  2. First Man:
    I think…
    I think I am.
    Therefore I am!
    I think…

    Establishment:
    Of course you are, my bright little star…
    I’ve miles and miles of files
    Pretty files of your forefather’s fruit
    And now to suit our great computer
    You’re magnetic ink!

     First Man: 
        I'm more than that
        I know I am...
        At least, I think I must be
    
     Inner Man: 
        There you go, man
        Keep as cool as you can
        Face piles of trials with smiles
        It riles them to believe
        That you perceive
        The web they weave...
        And keep on thinking free
    

    http://www.webwriter.f2s.com/moody/lyrics/ottoad.htm#begin

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