Once again, the things that I write may disturb you. It is not my intent to create panic and fear, but to raise awareness. Not enough people are educated on how trauma affects them. For many years, I wasn’t, but this post will outline a specific form of trauma that I deal with, and it is directly service-connected. I am not sure if it would fall under PTSD or Schizophrenia, but I will worry about that later. Either way, it was a natural progression from yesterday’s blog.
So, long story short, there isn’t a person that I meet that I am not secretly working the angles, looking for vulnerabilities, considering how much backup they have. I am polite, professional, and respectful, but I am VERY aware…and very ready to use lethal force, if necessary. As a professional journalist, I sometimes find myself lost in very dangerous places. I have met lots of nice people, but there have been some people or groups where I did not feel comfortable approaching them.
If people approach me, I will accept the help, but if I feel threatened, I have already come up with at least 1 plan, if not more, in how I am going to “take them out,” and I ain’t talking about dinner.
I acquired this unusual way of thinking when I received training for ISF. This was during my security days. I worked as base security, responsible for standing armed watches with the M-16, M-9, body armor, and often having to verify large amounts of personnel.
At any moment, one of them could have pulled a gun and started shooting, used an explosive vest, or a pipe bomb. They were likely stalking us for weeks before they initiate the attack. We were always on the lookout for people that were just “hanging out” in front of the gate. We didn’t allow that.
“Hey man, if someone comes up and puts a pistol to my head, what are you going to do?” I asked my brother on watch.
“It depends. Is the hammer cocked?”
“Yes. They are ready to fire.” I said.
“I would pull my pistol and shoot them wherever they were exposed.” He said.
“Good. Don’t let them get away. Just don’t shoot the hostage.” We laughed.
We would spend hours on watch rehearsing scenarios together. We were encouraged to do so by the watch commander. I guess nobody would be interested in starting a fight if we are armed, and actively figuring out how to keep each other safe.
So, I was suspect of anyone who came through the gate or drove by the ship. There was that time that rifles came out, and I really think it adds to the PTSD and Schizophrenia.
I stay diligent. I have not had to take a life, and I have only had to exhibit physical force once or twice. However, I stay ready. ALWAYS READY to put to use the training that I have been given. I have often viewed it as a curse, but as I get older, I see that it might just save mine or someone else’s life, and that is a good skill to have.
Wagen, over and out.