Sometimes, life can be tough. Really tough.
First, I wanted to point out that I owed you guys a baseball post. I wrote about it at the end of Wanna Play Football?
At the advice of my dad and my wife, I will open up a little today about what it is like to live with multiple mental disorders. The official list is bipolar, schizophrenia, and PTSD.
Let’s start with the bipolar. In short, I get really, really, really depressed for anywhere from a day to a month, and then I suddenly explode with energy for 3-4 days, sometimes neglecting sleep. If I neglect sleep for too long, my brain falls apart. The first time this happened, I was convinced that some coworkers of mine were conspiring to kill me, and I went into total military mode. My Gunner’s Mate skills resurfaced as if they never left.
This scared my family and friends, so I was taken to the ER, and I was committed to a mental institution. I will save that one for another day. The long story short, I felt betray by the very people who claimed to love me. What’s worse, is it happened again 6 months later, but it was a little different. I will fight that one another day, as well. I really think this behavior started because the Navy would keep us up for days on end running “drills,” which I later found out probably weren’t drills at all, but I digress. I think that sometimes my mind forgets that I am not at war, so I will stay up for 3-4 days, write, read, research, and interview people, and then keep humming along. I guess some habits never die. Now, I have a prescription grade sleeping pill that I can take if I have a sleepless night. This prevents the sleep deprivation and the subsequent mental breakdowns.
As for schizophrenia. Buckle your seat-belts, it gets wild. Ever since I was really young, like 4 or 5, I have witnessed ghosts/demons/angels in the home I grew up in. I used to joke with people that it was haunted. Apparently this activity is not normal. Go figure. I didn’t know any better. I became a big believer in aliens. I have even been to Roswell, NM. Also, you should check out the Cash-Landrum incident. It is a UFO encounter that happened in my hometown of Dayton, Texas in the 80s. For those that remember, that’s when they released E.T. I am not alone. I won’t expose any others, though. Don’t judge me. I come in peace. LOL
Finally, the PTSD. I have written a little about this in When the Grim Reaper Calls and When Rifles Come Out. But, to sum it up, a vicious car accident and a military incident have left me with some moderate to severe PTSD. I think it feeds on the bipolar. Sometimes when I am in that 3-4 day manic, it’s like I never returned home from war. For obvious reasons, this makes it difficult to hold down a normal job, but something like writing is a good way for me to spend my time. I am mostly at home or in a hotel room not bugging anybody. Muchless trying to start a war.
As you can imagine, all of this has been very difficult for my family. In some ways, it frustrates me, but I know that there are times when the feelings of frustration or distrust are mutual. After all, I basically get grounded sometimes. It’s OK. It’s kinda fun to protest a little. LOL Because of this situation, my wife and I don’t own any firearms. That’s why I support Open Carry laws. I walked next to a gentleman the other day at a protest. He had his AR-15. I felt safe from criminals and corrupt cops. It is always my hope that all my friends around me are packing, because I am not. It wasn’t always this way, but I will save that one for another day! What does all this have to do with baseball? I am glad you asked!
In baseball, the pitcher can throw a curve ball, or a pitch where the ball will actually climb, drop, slide left, or slide right…or some combination of the above. It’s a really unique pitch. Something like a mental breakdown is synonymous with that curveball. However, life won’t catch me watching as it goes by. I’m swinging. This is America. I also lump death, war, broken churches, broken families, broken bodies and broken minds into that giant blanket and just rest in the hope that God knew what He was doing when he allowed all of that to happen. So, what’s it for you? Are you gonna watch? Or are you gonna swing? Wagen, over and out.